Tuesday, November 06, 2007

Dealing with Low Self Esteem

This morning I had a revelation while talking with my 8 yr old Storm Queen. She and I have been having lots of battles this year, and I've been really struggling trying to find what the problem is. This morning I think I found the root of it all. We had just finished devotions which was about recognizing God's gifts in ourselves, and she began by saying that she had none. During the next few minutes of asking her to really think and name some positive gifts, she DID manage to name a few, but even then they were prefaced in a negative way. I realized that right now my little Storm Queen has VERY little self esteem....she can easily rattle off any number of things she does wrong, but ask her to name 2-3 things she does well and she goes cold. I sat there pondering during her math as to what maybe I've done or failed to do in creating this lack, and I wonder if my need to control doesn't stifle some of her growth in this area. My goal for the next few weeks is to really step back and try some positive reinforcement of her gifts at any possible chance.

Tonight while putting her to bed I asked her to name three GOOD things she did today. It took awhile, and one of them was a LITTLE thing, but she did it. We once again focussed on how God doesn't make junk, and how He's given her some special gifts. My "quest" in the coming month is to help her really discern for herself what some of those are!


Angela said...

Oh my! Hugs to you and your darling Storm Queen. I will say that this has an awful lot to do with girls of this age and friendship, but it still doesn't ease the heartbreak of thinking your child doesn't love themselves as we love them! I will keep praying for you all, and take time to send a little love out to that girl!

Mary said...

An excellent quest, Laura! God never wants us to lose sight of our gifts and blessings, since He gave them to us in order to help and love others (and praise Him, while we're at it!).

If your little sweetie is thinking she has no such gifts -- even though she is just not recognizing them! -- maybe the "Little Flower" is the saint for her.

St. Therese had it right when she said: "... the splendor of the rose and the whiteness of the Lily do not take away the perfume of the violet or the delightful simplicity of the daisy ... these must be content to be daisies or violets destined to give joy to God ... to be ordinary then, is to be unique and to be uniquely loved by God."

Praying for your family, and esp. for the little Storm Queen!