My blogging life has been nonexistant the past couple of years; helping to get the homeschool co-op off the ground just took most of my energies. However, Lent always is a time of retrospection for me, and I always feel a need to journal. I thought that instead of using my journal, I'd just blog instead.
Picked up the Screwtape Letters by C.S. Lewis to read again. It's always been one of my favorite Lenten reads, and every few years I find myself coming back to it. This morning I read in one of Screwtapes' letters to his nephew the following:
When He talks of their losing hteir selves, He means only abandoning the clamour of self-will; once they have done that, He really gives them back all their personality, and boasts that when they are wholly His they will be more themselves than ever.
This just really speaks to my heart, as it is what my blog's title has always been about. The more I give myself TOTALLY to God, the more I become the person He created me to be. In essence, a better ME. It's one of the faith's paradoxes to be sure. In the past six months, I've been working hard at giving up my self will, and trying to let His guidance direct ALL paths of my life. One of the areas I have struggled most with over time has been in my food choices -- wanting to eat WHAT I want WHEN I want it. Over time that self will has resulted in a body that was not only out of shape, but a body that was almost an insult to its Creator. Since last summer, when I just said "okay, I'll do this Your way", I've lost 50 pounds, and feel better than I have in years.
More and more I see the countless number of times throughout my day when I take that self will back, and I know that my "plodding" has just begun. My prayer for Lent is that I take that extra time each day to do exactly what Screwtape has described above....the more I give my will and life over, the more it truly becomes mine.